cupid Chronicles 1
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THE CUPID CHRONICLES

The Dogtalk Cyberden first learned of THE CUPID CHRONICLES when John Perkin's Cupid replied to the following note from Adi's Spock--it was written about Schwarz who has gone to the Bridge:
    >Last night, we found a little apple green butterfly resting on the shelf
    >directly beneath the urn that holds Schwarz's ashes. Gramma says it
    >could be Schwarz back to pay a little visit.
    >I think that was nice of him cos we all still miss him.
        >Spock,
        >Singapore


Here's Cupid's reply, dated October 4, 1998:
Ok sum ob chew dogs may wooflaugh at dis reincarnation ting butts I nose it halppens. I went to a hypnopotomus on time an he puts me in a trance an I hab menny lives bepaw. I will tells chew all bouts dem in da CUPID CHRONICLES. My hoomin said he believes in dis reincarnation ting, awl his life he felt more likes a Mike den a John so he nose in a pawrevious life he was a Mike. When he was in Germany an walked in da woods wif his beloved Muffett ( no Muffett not chew enother Muffett, his liddle toy poodle dog). Well dey useto walks des marathons anan he said menny times he wood see, in visions ob course cause he don't smoke no funny stuff, mens in armor ridin horses thru dem woods. So he nose hes been der bepaw.
Cupid PHD


So here I respectfully reprint THE CUPID CHRONICLES, very slightly edited for continuity.

CHAPTER ONE
Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1998 10:09:14

[Since I sent da furst one by mistake I had to fink up sumpin.]

I was da furst dog, yep I was a Dogasaurus. We was mush bigger then. Our biggest eminy was da terribull Bigmoufeatmeatawloberdaplacesaurus, dey nows call it da Tyranasaurus Rex. Da Dogasaurus was a scavanger den we would eats da stuff left by otter saurases. It was a lonely life cause I was da onliest dogasaurus der at da time til I met another dogasaurus dat didn't hab hangin down parts. It was lust at furst snif an we had a good fing goin on til I was scarfin up parts ob da Bigbodylongskinnynecksmallheadsaurus (chew calls it a Brontosaurus now) anan a Bigmoufeatmeatawloberdaplacesaurus ate me up. I mush hab gotten my sweety in a welpin way cause were still here.

My 2nd life was as a cave doggie called Ug. Oh life was tuf den to. We use to hab to chase awl da animals to where da cavemans were so dey could kills dem wif rocks. Chew nose sumtimes dey were not good at frowin dem rocks anan dey wood hit us in our bodies an heads. Dis was da worser life in awl my lifes. Eben tho I was such a hard werker I gots no respect. I was owned by dis stupid caveman his name was Fred Flintstone anan he wood puts me outside ebbery night anan eberry night I wood gets in da den anan puts him out. He wood bang on da door den anan yell WILMA. Well one day I was on a hunt wif Fred an Blarney (yes dat was his name Blarney) anan I started to runrun after a bird anan my foot slipped on a piece ob flint anan I started a fire. Bepaw dat dey didn't nose bout fire, so I inbented it. Well it started a big fire an I gots burned up in it. Fred took awl da cwedit fur inbenting fire.

C ( I use C cause dats my writting name)

CHAPTER TWO
ED. NOTE: Chapter One was renamed Chapter Two.

CHAPTER THREE
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1998 10:13:43 -0500

Well were back to my bisit wif da Hypnopotomist. In my next life I libed in da little town ob Hauslabjoc wif Heimy Hjdamep anan his wife Girtrude Hjdamep, dis was about 3142 BC. We had a lot ob fun huntin an gathering anan we libed in a house dis time knot a cave. I was one ob da furst doggies to lib in da house cause I was such a good mastif hunter. I weighted bout 267 stones oh I was big. One night my life came cwashin down my hoomin Heimy wents out to gets some Ice Cream fur Girtrude who was pregnant. Imagine dat in da middle ob a bad winter. Well Heimy had to go to town which was ober da mountain, I barked Heimy don't go butts he did enny way. Well he neber came home, always wonnered what happened to him till I was web surfin on day an tink I found out what happened. Fur chew to fine out go [here].

Da next life I was owned by Koroibos who was a Greek in 770 BC. Oh did we hab a lots of fun we wood runrunrun awl ober da place anan after we wood sits on des pillows an hab des slabes feeds us T*R*E*A*T*S awl da times. Well fur 6 years we had awl dis fun den one days I seen dis paper dat said race Sunnyday anan knowing how fastfast Koroibos was I brought da paper to him anan to makes a long story short he won da furst Olympic event, da stade race which is bout 200 fts (hoomin feets not doggie feets). Ifn chew wants to read bout da lympics goes to [here]. Well we had a lots ob fun till he took up da Javalin. Chew see we use to play tro an fetch awl da times anan chew can figure it out yer self. Dats why I don't fetch now.

C PHD

CHAPTER FOUR
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1998 15:54:39 -0500

In 4272 BC I was a doggie ob Hadjibubba, we called him Bubba an we libed in Nippur in Mesopotamia an were called Sumerians. Dea were berry smart peoples. They werkeded me real hard tho. Bubba was da head ob da flood control sextion ob da city. We were twadin fools an wood twade wif a lot ob otter places. Bubba an I wood fish ebery day an twade fur awl da otter stuf we needed likes cloth an vegetables an beer an medcin. Bubba was a good fishman butts he wood makes me carry awl da fish, so I hoped he didn't catch nuffin. Des peoples may hab ben da firstest peoples to write stuff an dey eben started an alpibet. Ifn chew wants to read bout des peoples go to [here]

In 1270 BC my hoomins name was Aaron the Levite an dis was a hard life I had to step in dis mud an straw to makes bricks anan da mud wood gets awl ober my Afgan fur (I was an Afgan hound in dis life). yep we were makin bricks to make des biggggg talllll squaregouptoapointybuildin. Dey were gonna puts dis man in der affer he died, ain't dat silly a big den likes dat fur someone dead. An he got to take awl his belongins wif him, glad I wasn't his dog cause he was an ole man. Well Aaron's brudder was a big shot anan he wanted to takes his peoples home so he caused lots ob truble fur dis guy called Pharo. To makes a long story short da pharo let us go after buppies died. Well after we left he changeded his mind anan came afer us, well Aarons brudder Moses when we got to da red sea (I wonner whys da calls it dat cause its not red) he seen we had to cross an der was no bouts or brijes so he raised his arms anan da dam est ting haffened it parted, yes it did. Moses said well lets go, I said WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY. Well Moses piked me up an carried me across. We traveled in da desert for a long time an den one day we came to dis place called Mt Sinai Hospital Mountain an Moses went up to da top. I tink he was cookin weinies cause we could see dis bush burnin. Well Moses came down da mountain an seen sumfin dat made him mad so he frow des bigg rocks on da ground an dey landed right on top of me anan kilded me. I wasn't doin nuffin why he go ahead an do dat fur, so my pawmis land was da brij.

"C" PHD

ADDENDUM: I pawgot to tells chew to read more bout Aaron goes to [here].

"C"

CHAPTER FIVE
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1998 10:33:01 -0500

Well I libed eis life in 1056 AA. To see what AA means chew hab to go to the cyberden at da ends ob dis story. I nose dis date fur shore des BC dates are guestimates cause we didn't nose when Christ wood be born. What confoozes me is dat dey hab BC an AD wats bout da times dat Christ was libin dids dey furgets bout time.

Well in 1056 AA I was a stry doggie an gots dopted by a man named Adam fur his son Seth. Seth an I use to hab awl kinds ob funfunfun. We wood run an play wif awl da animals in da werl. Well Adams dad we awl thought he was kinda crazy cause he was ober 500 years ole, yep peoples libed dat ole backs den (no second hand smoke). Adams dad Noah use to talks to peoples when dey wern't der. Well one days he went to da Wal-mart an bought us awl raincoats. We fought dis was stwange cause da weater mans said no rain fur da next monf. Den he started to build dis biggggg boat which again eberry fought was stwange cause he didn't build it near da waters anan nobody had a Dodge Ram back then. Chew tink dat was cwazy well lets me tells chew what he did when he got da bouts finished, he started to gather awl des animules two ob dem a boy N a girl animule ob eberry kinds. We had Pooh bears, tiggers. cows, snakes, cockroaches (whats he got dem fur I don't nose), effury kinds ob animules chew cood fink ob. Eberry body laughed at us an awl da otter doggies laughed at me, butts we had da lass laugh cause it started to rain and it rained and rained. Den da water started to lift da boat up off da ground. Da Unicorns were playin I toles dem gets in da boat butts dey woodn't listen to me dey jus played. Bepaw you nose it effury ting was covered wif water and we floated fur a long times. Lets me tells you dat boat stank sumfin bad wif awl da poop. well we were startin to run otta foods an da cow was startin to look berry good to us when a bird dat Noah sent out came backs wif w leaf. We had to row da boat den an dey made me row to, how homillyating cause none ob de otter animules had to row. Annoter fing da girl doggie dat dey gots fur me was uguly oh was she eber uguly an her butt didn't eben smell good. So ifn chew hoomin starts to talk to der selp anan buys raincoats peese takes me wif chew butts I wanna good lickin doggie dis times. To read more bouts dis life goes to [here] Den der was da time dat I libed wif dis drawer Homo Artisto. We libed in des caves cause his wife kicked him out ob da house fur writtin on da walls. Well he was a drawin fool he'd draw ebery ting butts he wood puts different heads on da animules so dat when peoples wood fine dem dey wood gets efurry ting wrong. Ifn chew wants to see his drawins go to [here].

"C" PHD

CHAPTER SIX
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1998 11:15:00 -0500

One ob my lifes I was a Mythical dog ches I was my name was Pluto anan I was da doG ob poop piles an my hoonmin was Hercules. Herc da Jerk as we callded him was married to Megara an dey hed 2 loverly hoomin buppies an dey libed yappy eber after, well not really. Chew see Herc's dad zeus was sniffin da butt ob dis woman Alcmene anan he gots her pregnant anan guess who da buppie was, yep Hercules. Zeuses wife Hera gots mad bout it so she sent a cursed to Herc after he gots married anan herc killded his wife an 2 buppies, I wasn't home dat nite fank doG. Well Apollo, boy did he hab a cooolll chariot, well ennyway he tole Herc to go see da King ob Tyrins anan do wats he tole him to do. Well dis was a baaad dude an he gabe Herc 12 tings to do to repent fur da bad ting he did ( I tink our judges should read dis to takes care ob bad hoomins). Da furst ting was to kills da lion ob Nemean well I had to flush out dis lion an I ain't lian anan Herc choked it to deaf. Da next ting he had to do was kill da Lernean Hydra. Now dis was won uguly hoomin she had 9 snake heads comin out ob her hair (woodin chew hate to be her bootishun) well dis was berry hard anan ifn it wasn't fur Xena da Princess Worryer he woodin't hab been able to do it. Next he had to kills da hind ob Ceryneia (ifn chew wanna nose what a hind is go to da web page at da end ob da story). Well dis hind was a pet ob Diana Goddess ob huntin an Princess ob Whales well he killed it an it pissed off Diana but he tole her da story an I baked it up (she cood speek woof) so she made da hind live again an he tooks it back alibe. Da next ting was to bring back da Eurystheus Boar, dis boar had killed menny hoomins wif his stories cause dey were so boarin. Honest dis is da truf it wasn't a piggy it was a story teller. Well Herc puts cotton balls (dey come furum boy cottons) in his ears an dat was dat. Next he had to clean sh*t, honest to doG, an dis was da worse ting cause he had a week stomach butts Superman came an helfed him out an it was clean in no time. Next was to gets rid ob da birds ob Stymphalian, well he printed out des flyers on his pooter an it had awl des recipes fur Stymphalian anan diwections on were dey were an bepaw you mose it dey were awl dead an eatin or stuffed an puts on walls in Jawga. Den he had to fight da Cretan Bull, an dis was a lot ob Bull but he got sum help furum da Incredible Hulk who punched da bull and knocked him out. Den he had to kills da horse ob Diomedes, He gots John Wayne to help him wif dis. Da Duke jumped on da horses back an it bucked an jumped an after 3 min da horse was broken an da judges gabe him a 10. Den he had to gets da belt ob da Amazon Hippolytes. Well he gots der an awl da amazon women were bout to chase him anan when he tooks da elt of her her pants fell down anan den eberry nose why dey called her hippo it was cause ob her big butt anan awl da Amazon women seen how big her butt was an started to laffin anan didn't chase Herc an he gots away. Ifn chew wanna read bouts da rest ob da story goes to [here].

CHAPTER SEVEN
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1998 16:38:01 -0500
In da 14th century I was da dog ob dis guy named Vlad he was a wheely bad guy so I had to be a good dog. Ifn chew did sumfin bad he wood kills chew anan impale chew on a pole so peoples cood see you, so you cood see dat I wanted to be a good doggie. He always wore a dragon on his armor anan dats hows he gots his name. chew see da Transylvania name fur Dragon was Draculea. He didn't suck enny blood or nuffin butts he did lick his steak rare. He died in a battle wif da Ottermans, no not a sittin fing, da were fierce worriers. To read bouts Vlad goes to [here].

In da 12th century my name was Tricket an Iuse to lib in da woods wif dis bunch ob peoples in England boy did we hab fun we ranranran awl ob da times an chased skwirlls an ebilbunnies. What more could a doggie asked fur, cept ob course da meanole guy dat owned da forest didn't lick dis so he use to chase us awl da time so we use to steal awl his money anan gib it to da poor peoples so dey could buy T*R*E*A*T*S fur der doggies. My hoomin Robert Hodde, chew nose him as Robin Hood, was a pretty sharp cookie anan always kept da sherrif ob knottingham, no had nuffin to do wif a piggy dey jus called it dat, offn our back. Rob had dis chick, no not a chicken a chick chew nose girl, man what a set ob hooters butts dats anotter story. Chew can read bouts him an his friends Little John (dey called him dat cause ob da size ob his ting), Will Scarlet O'Hara, anan Frydaddy Tuck . To read more bout Rob goes to [here].

"C" PHD

CHAPTER EIGHT
Date: Sat, 17 Oct 1998 10:35:08 -0500

Sowy bouts da delay in Chap 8 butts I been licken fur a sponsir anan finally found one.

In a pawrevious life I was dis da dog ob dis guy dat libed on a bigggg boat. Dis was knots a good life I was sea sick awl da times anan wood frow up awl my brown rocks it made awl da semen mad cause dey hab to cleans it up. On one ob our adbentures we landed ao dis island I fink it was 29 Jan in 1819. My owner fought it wood be a good place fur a port so he wents to see dis man called Temengong or sumfin lick dat. My owner wanted to make dis place a British settlement butts he coodn't say ok so he had to see da Sultan ob Johr. Wells to make a long story short My hoomin Stamford Raffles gots da settlement butts it costest a lots ob greenpapers. To reads more bouts my hoomin anan Singapore goes to [here].

I was da doggie ob pawbly da bestest athfleets eber. Wa-tho-Huk was part Sac an Fox Indian dat was borned in 1888. we use to hab fun runin an runin awl ober da place butts dem white hoomins sents him off to Indian school. He didn't wants to go butts dey made him. In 1912 he wents to da lympics anan won a collar wif a gold medal on it fur da Decathalon anan da Pentathalon. Yep he won boff athalons. In college, dats a school dat makes chew into a pawty animal. Well he led them to a national championship anan he didn't hab to hab a handeler ether. He also played professional footsball anan baseball. To reads more bouts him goes to [here].

Da udder athfleet I libed wif was named Mildred Didrikson she was good at effury ting she did, it was disgusting, anan her mom an dad had to takes her to awl des ebents in der van, watts dat dad dey didn't hab vans back den neber mind I donna wemember hows we gots der ok happy now, lets me write dis story chew wern't der. Ennyways as I was sayin one day dey were playin baseball, dats were somehoomin frows a round fing anan den sumhoomin hits it anan den sumhoomin chases it, not me I don't chase ennyfing. Well ennyway she hits da ball 5 times anan ran to awl da bases, dey calls dis a homerun (I donna nose why dey calls it dat 'cause dey donna runs home) so dey calls her Babe after dat, yes she was a Babe butts der was a fat man wif skinny legs dat dey called Babe ( an no he wasn't a Babe ). Well ennyways she also played basketball (you donna wanna nose what dis is ) enny way she was an all american in 1930, 31 an 32. Den she ran track anan wents to da lympics in 1932 an won 2 collars wif gold medals. Den she got good anan played golf (eben more confusing to figger out) butts she won 17 golf championships in a row. Chew can reads more bouts her [here].

Dis Episode was brought to yew by Harvey's Hoochie Coochie Club. Come see Nancy da Vixen do her Hoochie Coochie dance of the 7 Hankies 7 days a week at 7PM.

CHAPTER NINE
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1998 15:00:13 -0600

I was da doggie ob da furst President ob America, ches I was. Oh watt a time it was in da 1770's der was da french anan I ndian wars a doggie had to bee careful cause lets me tells chew life as an Indian doggie was nots a good one. Well my hoomin was a cousin ob Thomas Jefferson an we useta goes to Monticello, bets chew neber new dat huh. well we libed in Furginia anan der was a bad Governor named Dinwiddie, honest ta doG dat was his name, well he wanna tax da peoples anan dey didn't wanna tax so my hoomin twied to goes to Brittan butts he couldn't go. He den got boated to da house ob Burgers skuse me I means Burgess anan dats when he gots famous. He den protested da Stamp act (I fink it was a play on Broadway) anan he helped draft up a partition against da importation ob British goods. Apter dis da nude Governor Dunmore (honest ta doG dis was his name to, I fink to gets to bee da governor chew hab to hab a funny name) well he boke up da house ob Burgess, so den we would go to Raleigh Tavern toe meet, anan my hoomins wife sure didn't lick dis. Well dey den started up da continental congress anan eber cents weave been taxed. We had a lots ob good furiends den John Jay, Patrick Henry, Tommie boy Jefferson anan George Washington. Ifn chew wanna read more bout my hoomin da furst President Peyton Randolph goes to [here].

In anutter life I was da doggie ob George de Mestral anan we libed in swiss land. We usta go walkin in da mountains awl da time anan one days when we came back he was pullin burrs outa meme anan fought hows come dey so hard toe gets out. So he l@@kded unner da l@@kin glass ting, cause he didn't hab a life anan had nuffin else to do, anan he den inbented velcro. Toe read more bouts it goes to [here].

Dis episode brought to chew by Pat Kolb's Salmonella Steak house opps I mean salmon steak house.

"C"

CHAPTER TEN
Date: Thu, 26 Nov 1998 13:31:12 -0600

It was bouts 1621 anan I was da doggie ob Miss Priscilla Mullins an it was da ends ob da harvest witch wasn't to good weally dat year butts we wanted to Pawty ennyways. sews dey went anan hunted wif meme along fur sure. Dey shots sum Turkeys anan geeses, anan duckies (des ob corse I wents toe gets fur dem apter dey shots dem) an den dey talked toe de Indians ob da Wamponoag tribe, speshially der honcho Chef Massasoyt bouts commin toe eats wif us. Dey said okey dokey anan dey wood bring Bambi anan her mother. Oh watts a table we had we ate roasted gooses, boiled turkey, fricase coney (dats a liddle mean bunny), roasted duck, cod fish, roasted bambi wif musturd sauce ummmmm, stewed pomeranian er I means pompion (dats pumpkin), hominy puddin anan corn meal puddin wif whortleberries (booberries). oh my doG we eated fur free days. Ebbery was der bouts 90 Wampanoag indians anan bunches ob us Pilgrims. Eben Miles Standish was der, he had da hots fur mymy Priscilla anan wanted to jump her bones butt she had da hots fur John Alden, butt dats anofur story. I donna nose ifn chew knew dis butts Ben Franklin, you know da guy dat was told toe go fly a kite anan founded out its knot a good idea toe fly one in a funder storm, well he wanted toe makes da Turkey da national burdie instead ob da baldie Eagle. Dats gots nuffin toe do wif Franksgibbin butt I fought I'd put it in cause it's my story. Ifn chew wanna learn bouts da Pilgrims anan da furst Franksgibbin anan you donna hab a life lick mymy hoomin chew kan go to da link below. Notice hows we did it dis time cause pooterdad cooldn't gets da links rite bepaw.

Pilgrim Myths and Realities

"C"

CHAPTER ELEVEN
Date: Sat, 5 Dec 1998 10:47:27 -0600

I donna nose ifn chew knew dis or knot butts in one life I werked fur Santa Paws. Dis was bepaw BISA, anan American Express yer self at da store. Well I wanna tells chew he werked me lick a dog awl da time, no obertime, no undertime, no bacashuns anan no pooter time (cause der was no pooter den). Santa paws werked hard awlso he eben tried to gets a job wif Playgirl magazine. We gots one day off a weaks anan dis iz da times dat I played wif da elves, chew gots to wash out fur dem liddle suckers cause dey were awlways pawracticing fur der summer job, midget wraslin. I useta lick to polay wif da raindear da most, course my faborite was da handsomist, strongist, smartist anan bestest slay puller CUPID. Dat Randolf he tought he was sew smart cause his nose lit up butts most hoomins didn't nose dat Randolf had a drinkin pawblem anan dats why his nose was sew red awl da time. Well one times Randolf was snokered anan Santa Paws didn't hab a head raindear sew mymy furiend Cupid toles Santa Paws bout me anan I helped dem deliber pawresents one year. Nancy didn't get nuffin dat year anan I nose why butts I ain't tellen. I wanna tells chew dat pullin dat slay wif awl dem raindear iz knots as easy as it looks eben when dat dam fairey sprinkled dat dust on us. I was sure glad der was a lot ob bad hoomins dat year cause we didn't eben stop at der den. I toles Santa Paws dat year dat da hoomins are gettin worser an worser ebbery year anan he shuold start lebin pawresents fur doggies to, anan chew nose he started dat da berry next year.
"C"

CHAPTER TWELVE
Date: Thu, 10 Dec 1998 19:05:09 -0600

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Rudolph and Donner and Blitzen. But do you know the most famous Raindog of all?
Cupid the most talented Raindog had a very sensative nose, he could sniff out all hoomins and tell if they were good or bad.
All of the other Raindogs use to laff and call him names, they wouldn't let poor Cupid play in enny Raindog games.
Then one foggy Kissmoose Eve Santa Paws came to say, Cuoid I didn't get my letter this year telling me whose been bad or good sew won't you guide my slay tonite.
Then all the Raindogs loved him and they shouted out with glee. Cupid the most talented Raindog you'll go down in history.
Butt Ruldolph did cause he had an agent, somehoomin to do his publicity anan he knew someguy named Gene Autry, I had to settle fur second fiddle.

"C"

CHAPTER THIRTEEN<
Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 21:08:16 -0600

In 1838 I libed wif a liddle boy named Samuel Cloud in da area round watt iz now called Jawga. We had sum truble wif da white hoomins cause ob da gold dat dis boy sold toe a hoomin in 1828 anan da white hoomins wanted our land. Da Cherokee hoomins were berry civilized anan dey eben had writting in der own talk anan dey had der own gobernment anan effuryting. One ob da Cherokee's had eben sabed President Jacksons life butts dey wanted our land cause dey were greedy.

Sum soldiers came toe our den anan tole us toe gets our fings anan gets out ob da den, den dey didn't eben gibe us times toe gets ennyfing anan I had dis bone berried in da out. Dey mobed us toe dis stockaid anan didn't eben gibe nobodies nuffin toe gets warm wif, sews I cuddled up wif Sammieboy toe keeps him warm. Whale as we were weightin to move Sam's dad died, oh dis was berry sad da whalin dat went on was sad toe. Well dey keeps us der fur watt seemed like fureber den dey loaded some ob us up in wagones butts sum had toe walk toe anan we went westward. It was sew cold dat we coodn't eben digdigdig grabes fur da hoomins dat died. We den made it toe dis biggg riber anan cause ob awl da ice we weighted fur it toe gets betta anan it was der dat Sam's mom died. Sew his unkle took him da rest ob da ways toe Oaklahoma. Ob da 14,000 Cherokee hoomins dat left Jawga only bouts 10,000 made it anan ob da 125 dogs dat left I was da only one dat made it cause da Cherokees didn't hab a lot toe eats anan we gots da left obers.

Dis was sew different furum our bootiful Jawga home, ifn chew eber been toe Oaklahoma den chew nose watt I means anan neber drive tru smoke in Oaklahoma, I donna nose why butts dats watt da sign weeds.

Fur more infurmashun on Cherokees goes to dis internet site, dis iz a big black eye in Merikan history.



CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 20:53:08 -0600

Wonce I was owned by des liddle peoples wif pointed ears an turned up toes on der shoes an liddle green tight green pants an liddle green coats cobered der bodies. We libed deap in da woods in Ireland in dis big halowed out tree. Edfurry ting was bootiful an ebery ting was green eben me. Des were liddle 2 foots tall leprechauns an I was a lepredog, my Leprechauns name was Will Shenanagan an my name was Sheaun O'Truble. Will was a shoemaker, yep Willy Shoemaker Shenanagan wish shood comes as no suprise since awl Leprechauns were shoemakers.
Whale one day Will was makin some shoes anan he gots his liddle butt caught be Shorty O'Shea while he was makin sum shoes, it mush hab been da hamerin noise dat gabe him away. Whale Shorty tole Will dat he was gonna hab toe shows him wear his pot ob gold was, cause dats what chew spose toe due ifn chew eber catch a Leprechaun. As dey treked fru da bootiful woods ober hill an ober dale we plotted our wiked scheme.
Will an Shorty came to a klearin in da woods anan lo an behole Shorty seas dis bootiful lady wif blue eye shadow anan biggg hair an she was neeked, wif out enny clothes on eben. Whale dis was awl dat Shorty cood stand sews he wented up toe dis bootiful biggg haired lady anan it was wheely McNasty O'Bear in a neeked biggg haires neeked hoomin costume anan he chased Shorty awl ober da woods in his new mule shoes dat we made fur him.