cupid Chronicles 2
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Date: Sat, 15 May 1999 12:59:27

Eberybodys awl werried bout Y2K. Whale in won ob my pawrevious libes we had a bigger pawblem, it was just bepaw da year 1. I was da dog ob Computerus Gigabitus anan we was gibben da task ob da year 1 pawblem. Chew seas we was goin furum BC toe AD anan nosebody knew watt would halpin. Wood der be soshul anan ekonomical upheaval, wood buildins an tents just falls down. Whale it was up toe Computerus anan me dogus toe solve da Y0K pawblem anan we didn't hab a lot ob times toe due it. Chew seas sum ob da pawblems we wuz werking wif was dat da calendar in BC was goin backwerds anan den in AD it was goin toe go furwerds anan we node dat at 1 BC da next year was goin toe be 1 AD. Whale we went toe Spearagustus Ceasar anan we fought dat maysbe we cood change da calander anan makes it BC in da negatibe numbers lick 1BC den -1BC an -2BC. Whale he called in Consultus toe sea ifn it wood werk anan he talked wif Ceasars bestest furiend Brutus anan he Jinxed it cause da calendar makers had awlready made da nude calendars an dey didn't wanna lib in a negative werl. He said ifn we libed in a negative werl dan da money lenders wood hab toe pays da borrowers anan da government wood hab toe gibe taxes toe da peoples. Whale we had toe gets rid ob awl da hour glasses cause we fingered dat dey wood go upwerds awl da knotted ropes dat dey used fur counting had toe be scrapped, we had dem stable awl da horsies at midnite cause we were fraid dat dey wood go backwerds anan cause damage toe da chariots. We didn't nose ifn da werl goin toe goes furum flat toe round ifn hoomins anan animules wood start toe gets younger ifn arrows wood goes da otter way. Whale ash it turned out franks toe me anan Computerus eberyfing went okeydokey cept da werl iz now round stead ob flat.


Date: Fri, 18 Jun 1999 23:27:03
Dis wuz my life bepaw dis one anan it started in 1973, chew notice dat I used awl 4 numbers, Y2K ain't gonna gets da Cupid Chronicles no sirey. Okey back toe da chronicles. I was bout seben weeks ole anan a liddle white toy Puddle when dis man anan lady came toe look at us anan knots bein stooopid I went up toe da lady cause sumone yelped bout it bein Muttersday. Wail dat wuz awl it took cause dey gab my owners sum green papers anan I went on da furst ob menny rides wif dis fambly. Dey named meme L'il Miss Muffett anan I neber nose why cause I neberneberneber sitz on no tuffit, I donna eben nose watt a tuffit iz, does ennybody nose.Wail we wuz libin in Illnoise den anan berry soon mobed toe da state ob TexAss anan I had a berryberryberry big yard toe pawlay in anan I wuz da onliest doggie in da den butts I wuzn't a bit lonely cause I wuz sew mush lubed by des hoomins. Da man he wuz really a nobody in da Army anan his name, maysbe chew nose him John Perkins. He gabe me da bestest tummy skritches anan I nebr had toe share dem wif ennyotter doggie. Joyce his wife she gabe good tummy skritches awlso butts I useto go toe dad da mostest. Wail one day I wuz habin my usual day anan da hoomins wuz gibin me lots more tensions den usual, sews I shood hab known sumpin wuz up butts it wuzn't time fur me toe goes to da TED. Den mean ole dad puts me in dis crate, onest to doG he did, I wuz booken hearted when he did dis anan I barked an barked an barked an awl he did wuz walk way furum me. Wail I wuz den left in dis big room fur a gazillion hours anan wuz den puts on dis big silver fing anan it kinda pissed me off cause da hoomibns dat wuz movin my crate wuz aufly rough. doGoh doG wuz I eber skeired dey eben spilled my water anan it got into my brown rocks anan eberyfing. It seamed lick a million years bepaw I seed dad gain anan boy oh boy I wuz pissed at him. I wanted to lub him butts I did wants him toe knows dat I wuzn't berry happy wif him. I'm shore chew doggies nose watt I mean. Wail we wuz in dis pawlace called Germany anan on my way toe my nude den dad stoped anan lets me out to pee anan I fought to myself, "self get back at dad anan I did cause I rolled in sum dogs poop anan jumped rite into dads lap. He didn't care dough anan dat made me mader. Dad an I yuseta walk awl da times ober der in Germany anan den one day he woofed bout doin a maraton, I fought dats cool I ain't neber dun one bepaw. Ok doggies lets me tail chew ifn yer hoomin eber says toe chew lets due a maraton den chew act lick yer sick cause i wanna tail chew it's a long ways bout a gazillion miles. I wood due twice as mush as dey wood due cause I wuz cute anan wood runrunrun up head ob da hoomins toe da hoomins head ob us den when dey wood say watt a cute liddle doggie anan bend down to pets me I wood run back toe dad. Da walkin wusn't awl dat great butts afterwards when we wood sits down awl da hoomins wood bring me food, speshully wursts butt des were da best wurst dat chew eber had. Dad an I went on des walks ebery weekend anan wood due 2 maratons, one on chatterday anan one on funday. Yep dad an I wuz da best ob buddies anan we wheely lubed each otter. One weekend we eben walked in 4 countries, Germany, France, Belgium anan Luxemborg, dat wuz a berry berry fun weekend. Den da time came fur us toe head back home anan back on dat damn silver tube, I wuz shore glad when dad picked me up anan we rode cross da country togefur wif me in his lap (Dad watt iz chew cryin fur). Den we went to Oklahoma, hab chew eber been toe Oklahoma wail ifn chew habn't den chew didn't miss much. Dad anan I started a walkin club der awlso butts it wuzn't mush fun fur me cause i coodn't get no wurst der. Wail apter we wuz der fur a liddle while we mobed back toe TexAss anan dad wuzn't in da Army no more butts we still went on our walks anan den one day dad wuzn't der fur me no more. He anan mom boke up sumpin bout an unkle dat useta come anan bisit sum times, i useta growl at him butts it didn't due no good. I nose dat dad wanted toe takes me wif him cause he twied to one day anna mean ole mom woodn't let him. Sum times Sherry da buppy dat libed wif us useta takes me ober toe sea dad anan mom useta yells at her fur it. wail den one day cause ob ole age anan peein poblems I went toe da brij anan I cood looked down anan see dad wif tears in his eyes (der you go gain dad, it's awlrite) I wuz just waitin fur da rite moment toe comes back into his life gain anan den one day he anan lobly mom went toe look at sum Shelties anan I went into da body ob dis little buppy. When dey looked at da buppies mom looked at dis one butts I went rite up to dad anan lobed on him anan dat wuz dat I belong toe him again.

This Chronicle wuz ritten fru tears tinkin ob da most spirited dog I eber node and ritted bout da lobe tween a man an his dog Little Miss Muffett run and play at the Brij someday we'll be together again never to be seperated. "C"

Date: Thu, 12 Aug 1999 13:07:54 -0700
Blaze as i pawmissed here iz a Cupid Chronicle fur yer Burpday. Itz bout a trail blazer named Seamen.
(Stony) Chew iz gonna rite bout travel fru da uterus, up da fallopien tubes to da egg ob life. No Stony dis iz bout a pawrevious life I had wear I wuz a Newfoundland dog named Seaman. It wuz round da summer ob 1803 anan I wuz habin fun chasin ebil skwerls anan habin fun when dis man named Mr Lewis came anan payed $20 green papers fur me. In dose days dat bought a lots ob T*R*E*A*T*S. Wail I wuz libin in Petsburgh den anan it wuzn't berry long after dat when Mr Lewis tole me Seaman lettuce goes on a liddle trip wail da next fing dat I nose we iz on a keel boat, dey calls it dat cause it has a keel chew seas, anan we goes to dis city ob St. Louis where we spent da fall anan winter. Den one day Mr Lewis toles me gain "Seaman lettuce us goes on a liddle trip. Wail I nose his liddle trips sews I packed my Bowl anan blankey dis times anan a good fing dat I did toe cause dis liddle trip wuz 2 1/2 years long. Honst ta doG it wuz anan it wuzn't mush fun effur I wanna tail chew. Wail der wuz bout 40 ob us dat left on May 14th in da same Keel Boat anan went west. I wuz wunnerin why west cause nobody went dat way butts stooopid peoples anan I shood hab fingered out dat Mr Lewis wuz one ob des stooopid peoples. I had a pawtent job cause I wuz da hunter anan da watch dog. Lets me tail chew bein da watch dog in dose days wuzzn't berry much fur cause I had to chase of des bears anan eberry fing. Des bears wuzn't berry hard toe chase off till dey fingered dat dey wuz bigger den me, den da chaser wuz da chased anan dis sucked. Hab chew eber been chased by a bear bepaw, it ain't berry mush fun, I'd ratter chase ebil skwerls. Wail ennyways in August we came cross sum Indians anan dey wanted toe buys me, sank doG dey didn't sells me cause dose Indian dogs had it werser den me ifn chew can beleaf it. Mr Lewis useta tail des Indians dat dey wood hab future peace ifn dey woodn't fight da white man oar otter Indians anan chew nose we been lieing to dem eber since. One time I awlmost went toe da brij, one ob da hoomins shot a beaver, no dad knot dat kinda ob beaver a wheel one anan dey sent me after it. Wail dis beaver bitted me on da leg anan cuts one ob my arteries anan I awlmost bleded toe deaf butt I didn't anan I went on wif dem. Der eben wuz sum times dat I'd gets to be chasin sum ebil skwerl oar sumpin anan dey awlmost left me behind. unfortunately dey didn't cause dis wuz a berry bad winter anan sum times it eben gots down toe 45 below zero anan I froze my butt off. I tole dem when we started dis trip dat we shood takes de southern route by LA anan maysbe eben takes in Disney Werl, only kidden cause Disney Werl wuz built til a few years after dis. Wail we eben crossed da Grape Divide anan watt a bootiful site it wuz butts I wanna tail chew butts ifn chew eber wanna seas it donna walk up der cause it ain't werf da walk. On da otter side we met up wif sum Shoshone Indians, I fink dat dey wuz called dis cause dey shined sho's, ennyways da chief wuz da brudder ob Sacagawea one ob da wemen wif us, honest ta doG she wuz. Ennyways dey gabe us sum horsies toe ride, cept me ob course, dey rode anan I had toe walk whitch I fought sucked butt watt chew gonna dew bout 3,000 miles furum home. Ennways we went da rest ob da ways wif da horsies oar by canoe dat da Indians taught da hoomins hows toe build. When we gots to da ocean we stayed fru da winter den watt chew fink, Mr Lewis said lettuce go back. Watt da hail kinda deal iz dis I wunner, comes awl dis ways toe goes back. Wail dats xactly watt we did anan den we finally gots home 2 1/2 years after we left dats bout 17 dog years. We found lots ob stuff dat hab neber been seed bepaw anan I wuz one ob da furst doggies toe eber chase sum ob des animules like da prarie dogs, dey ain't really dogs dough. Watt did I gets outa awl dis chew asks, wail I gots a creek named after me, ain't dat a big deal, goes ober 8,000 miles anan only hab a creek named after chew. Anan latta dey changed da name, duzn't dat suck. I tail chew watt when dey said Lets goes on a liddle trip I went anan hid udder da bed after dat. Click here Lewis and Clark ifn chew wanna find out more bout Seaman anan Lewis anan Clark.

Date: Fri, 13 Aug 1999 17:58:48

(Stony) Ok chew just did a Cupid Chronicle yesfurday hows come anofur one anan watt da hail is SE
(Cupid) Wail SA iz Speshul Addition anan da weason fur dat iz toeday iz Doggie Mammorial Day
((Amigo) I ain't neber heard ob Doggie Mammorial day
(Cupid) I donna fink der iz one dats why I made it up. Chew donna spekt hoomins toe hab one fur us does ya?
(Amigo) Chew gots a point der
(Cupid) Wear
(Amigo) Finger ob speech
(Cupid) Oh, nows I want chew doggies toe nose dat I wuz neber one ob des doggies in a pawrevious life butts I fink dat der lives shood be tole cause I bet noboby wemembers dem.

Furst comes a question, who wuz da furst eber toe orbit da earf? Da answer iz Laika a bitch ob unknown heritage. Yup she went up in Sputnik II on Nobember 3, 1957 anan can chew beleaf dis butts dey had noway ob gettin her back anan her life support only lasted fur 2 days. Now dis iz a noway job I wanna tail chew. Can chew magin "hey chew wanna lib fur 2 more days" ya rite. Laika wuz pawbly tole a bunch ob lies toe gets her into da capsul effur dat oar dey dopped her up. Chew can nebber tail wif dem Rushkies. Duz ennyone wemember Laika, hail no Sheppard anan Glenn iz who dey wemember. Laika, which means Bark in Rushkie we ob da Wild Bunch Salute chew. Ifn chew wanna nose more bout Laika goes toe dis Enchanted Learning site.

Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 18:48:34

(Stony) Watts dis Chapter 18 or 19 donna chew nose watt number dis iz.
(Cupid) Wail no I don't, scents our pooter crashed I losted dem
awl cept watts in da Cyberden anan I fink itz one oar two behind.
(Stony) Wail watts dis one gonna be bout
(Cupid) Wail Stony when I sawed Kim's post on Holyweanie it weminded me bout when I moved in to dis haunted house. Furst ob awl duz chew doggies beleaf in ghosts?
)Evelyn( I hardly beleaf in people
(Fancy) Neber mind Cupid tail us da Chronicle
(Cupid) Wail knots only iz dis a ghost story butts an aktual spearience. I was dopted by dis guy named Joe Franklin who had dis 8 room house in Whosit Falls in upper Nude York State
)Evelyn( How far iz Whosit Falls
(Cupid) Furum where
)Evelyn( Thank you
(Cupid) Wail dis man had dis 8 room den
(Magic) Was it a two story
(Stony) No itz a ghost story
(Cupid) Matter of fack Magic it wuz a two story den butts da upstairs wuz neber used cause it wuz haunted by ghosts )Evelyn( Wail didn't Joe Whosit node dis when he paid green papers fur da den
(Cupid) Wail ya butt Evelyn his name wuz JOE FRANKLIN N HE LIBED IN WHOSIT FALLS
)Evelyn( Wail chew betta watch that ole boy
(Cupid) Ya wail
(Stony) Wail did Joe Falls nose dat whosit wuz haunted
(Stony) Wail donna gets sore, donna gets sore
(Cupid) Ok it wuz an 8 story 2 room den nono
(Priss) Watt chew means iz dat it wuz an 8 den 2 story room
(Cupid) nononono
(Magic) I donna fink sew
(Minnie Mae) Did anyone live in it
)Evelyn( Shore Joe Whosit libed in it
(Cupid) NOW WEIGHT A MINUTE, ifn chew donna wanna hear dis chronicle say sew
(Stony) Sew
(Magic) Now come on I wanna heard bout yer furiend Mr Falls furum Franklin
(Cupid) No dat Franklin furum Whosit Falls an furgets bout him
(Priss) Furgettin yer furiends huh
(Cupid) Wail gettin on wif da chronicle, I wuz brave nuff to be da furst toe spend a night in da upstairs bed room. Bravely I walked up da stairs an boldly I entered da room
(Magic) Den chew fainted
(Cupid) No I didn't. At de stroke ob midnight I heard tapping on da window an da walls an den heard footsteps on da ceiling.
(Priss) Been hittin da sacret water bowl gain huh.
(Cupid) No den a white figure peared anan moved round da room withoutta haid
(Stony) Chew nose der wuz sumpin runnin in da den last nite wif out enny legs
)Evelyn( Watt wuz dat
(Stony) da water faucet hahahahaha
(Cupid) Ok dats it I ain't gonna finish dis chronicle, I hope yer satisfied
)Evelyn( er yup
(Cupid) Wail I ain't gonna make a fool outta myself
(Priss) Toooooo Late hahahahha

Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 13:59:29

Ok dis isn't gonna make much scents toe chew youngins butts hear goes ennyways.

In dis life I was da dog ob a Mr Charley Foster anan his lubly wife Laura butts dis story iz bout a lost sole a, a lub triangle, a murder, Mr Grayson a policeman an justice. Sews hear goes Lets me tail chew a story ob a man named Charley on a tragic anan fateful day, he puts 10 scents in his pocket kissed his wife anan fambly anan went to ride on da MTA (Massachewsitts Transit Autonimy oar sumpin like dat). Wail Charley handed in his dime at da Kendall Square stashun anan he changed to Jamaica Plain, when da conductor tole him one more nikle Charley coodn't gets offn da Train (now dis sucks donna it). Did he eber weturn no he neber weturned anan his fate iz still unlearn'd, poor ole Charley. He may ride fur eber 'neath da streets ob Boston, he's da man who neber weturned. Now awl nite long Charley rides fru da tunnels sayin watt will become ob me. How can I afford to seas my sister in Chelsie or my brudder in Roxburry (I donna nose who wood wanna goes toe Roxburry ennyways). Charley's wife goes down to da Scollay Square stashun eberry day at quater past two anan fru da winda she hannded Charley a samwich as da train came rumblin fru. Wail chew iz pawbly wunnerin why she just didn't gib him a nickle wail itz cause she had a flare goin on wif anofur guy (yup it was a flare cause it was hot).
Thruout history der hab been menny stories written bout da terminal triangle. Dis one is bout a Mr Grayson, a bootiful woman (Charlies wife) anan a condemed man. Dis condemed man was in lub wif Laura who was Charley's wife, bemember Charley he's risin fru da streets ob Boston. wail Laura felt bad fur Charley anan was gonna gib him a nickle wif his samwich anan dis condemed man felt betrayed be Laura sews he met her on da mountain, there he tooks her life, met her on da mountain stabbed her wif his knife. Yup his name wuz Tom Dooley.
Hang down yer haid Tom Dooley, hang down yer haid anan cry, hang down yer haid Tom Dooley poor boy yer gonna die. Dis times tomorrow reckon where he'd be, hadn't been fur Grayson (bemember him da policeman) he'd been in Tennis-sea. Yup hang down yer haid Tom Dooley. Dis times tomorrow rectum where he'd be, down in sum lonesum valley hangin furum a white oak tree.

Chapter 21 

Now dis awl happened in 1836 an it's da truf, cordin to my Hypnopottomist.
I was wif my hoomin Almeron Dickinson an we was tired of eatin fajitas an
beans all da times, wail least he was heck I could eat fajitas all day long.
Ennyways he wanted to eat some good Merican foods like spaghetti an fried
rice but da mexican government said no ya has to eat our food. So da
Texicans said how bout we pawlay a game of dominoes an see who wins, wail
dey said no so we went to war wif Mexico fur our rite to eat enny kinda food
we wanted to. We lives in a nice duplex just outside of San Antonio so when
dey asked fur volunteers to fight at da Alamo me an my hoomins went.
I had a great time fur a while cause der was Davey Crockets Coon Hound der
an Travis's Springer Spaniel an Jim Bowie's French Poodle an we just had
lots of fun cept we wasn't loud to poop up on the wall cause dey said der
was gonna be lots of runrunrunin round up there an dey didn't want to step
in no dog poop.
Wail den one day we woke up an smelled sumpin funny an we went up on da wall
an der was a gazillion Mexicans out der, da weason fur da funny smell was
cause dey was all f*rtin furom dem beans dey all ate. Col. Travis seein all
these Mexicans node der was gonna be a fight an he went down an drew a line
in da dirt an said ifn yer wif me yer wif me an cross da line an ya nose
every body crossed da line cept Louis Rose an his ccccat, dey said dat he
had to take his ccccat to the TED's but we nose he didn't. Now Jim Bowie's
French Poodle didn't wanna cross da line cause she just had her fur done an
didn't want to get it messed up but when Jim pulled a Treat out of his
pocket she went to get da Treat, stoooopid dog.
Wail all da hoomins in The Alamo was gettin hungry so they said dey had a
job fur me, dey called out to the Burger King cross da street furom The
Alamo an ordered Burgers fur 190 an da Burger King said der was no way dey
could deliver dat menny so dey asked me ifn I would go get dem. I ranranran
as fast as I could, course I did sum Sheltie spins long da ways an dodgded
bulletts an ran ober sleepin Mexican soldiers an stuff an brought back all
dem burgers. Ya nose what I gots fur it, brown rocks, do ya nose how hard it
was to smell all dem burgers an not eat dem. Dats why if food gets to my
high I eat it, no matta ifn it's da hoomins food out what.
Den came March 6th an all dem Mexican soldiers came an went ober da wall an
killed most of all the defenders of The Alamo cept a few. I fought hard
jumpin up on da soldiers an pushin dem off da wall an trytin to pawtect all
the Texicans an when I seen dey was goin where my female hoomin was I went
in der to pawtect her an seein how brave I was dey let me leaf wif Susanna
Dickinson. Ifn ya wanna read more bout The Alamo you can go to or to .


Chapter 22

Ok yer pawbably wunnerin what happened to dis dog hero of The Alamo, wail
I'm gonna tail ya.
Dis dog an his hoomin was goin to Gonzales an came cross some Texican scouts
an dey took us to see General Sam Hooston an I woofed to his dog what
happened an dey let me go wif dem cause I was good at headin da cows, da
sheeps an fur gettin burgers. Dey kept runrunrunin furom Santa Anna an goin
all ober Texas, I wasn't to crazy bout crossin no rivers an had to be
carried cross dem. Den we herd bout da defeat of Goliad an dat made da
Texicans more an more mad an dey wanted to fight but Hooston didn't wanna
fight just yet cause he called Miss Cleo up an she tole him her Tarot cards
said not to fight til dey gots to San Jacinto. Texas Pawresident Burnet
wasn't to happy an sent a message to Hooston an tole him to fight, wail
Hooston who watched da History Channel all da times node better an he went
to the coast cause it was spring vacation an he wanted see some babes an
have some good sea food. Den we went travelin close to Louisana an we herd
dat Santa Anna burned down da town of Harrisburg an was camped close by.
Wail den we node he was in San jacinto just like Miss Cleo said an we got
set fur battle. I got sent in befur da battle fur two reasons, one cause I
could distract dem (cause I was so cute) an cause bein a Sheltie General
Hooston node I would bark at eberythin an give way their pawsition. So I
went into da Mexican camp an ran round an pawlayed wif the Mexican soldiers
an tired dem out so they would take a nap an den I went into Santa Anna's
tent. Dats when General Hooston attacked an I went GRRRRRRRR to Santa Anna
so he wouldn't gather his Army to fight. All da Mexican soldiers was sleepin
an berry surprised by da attack an General Hooston won da battle an I of
course was da hero. Ya I nose what dey say bout da Yellow Rose but it wasn't
a woman at all it was me but dey didn't want to give no credit to no dog ya
see. I did kinda get credit ya see cause my name was Lone Star an dey named
Texas da Lone Star State after me.
Ifn ya want to read more bout This ya can go to